Body Switch
by Tifa Gainsborough
Summary: Something has happened to our beloved characters. Will they ever get back their old bodies? And what is Cloud's new strange fixation. Come on in and find out, sensless humor galore.


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So you don't get confused. Person/Body. Got it? Good, lets begin.

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It was a normal evening, as normal as normal could be. The respected hero's of the world went to their respected rooms climbed into their respected bed's and all fell asleep. It was a peaceful dream filled sleep. Everything was perfect for the hero's what could possibly go wrong for them. 

It was a glorious morning, the sun was shinning, the birds were singing their melodies, and Sephiroth was still dead. The peace was shattered by the sounds of screaming coming from the villa in the beach loving town of Costa Del Sol. Inside the villa doors were flying open people scrambling out of their respected rooms. 

"What happened to me!?!" Cloud Strife screamed his voice surprisingly high pitched.

Tifa Lockhart turned wide eyes to Cloud gave a scream of horror and passed out. Everybody turned wide eyes to Cloud who continued to shriek questions at the group. Cid Highwind crawled calmly on all fours of to the limp form of Tifa. 

"*&%^%$*^ &*%^ #*$& @)!*," Red XIII let out a string of curse's. People were to confuse with the current situation to notice Red begin to pound his head on a nearby wall.

"People, people," Vincent Valentine cried jumping into the group of hero's trying to calm bristling nerves.

Cloud abruptly silenced his shrieks and stared with everybody else at the normally stoic Vincent "I'm too cool to be seen with you people" Valentine. 

"What is going on," Yuffie Kisaragi inquired from where she stood shrouded in darkness. She looked at the group with a calm calculated gaze.

"It appears everybody has switched bodies," Cid said. "Perhaps it will help if everybody says their name out loud. Maybe that will calm some of this confusion." 

"Tifa," Cloud said.

"Yuffie," Vincent said in a frightening perky voice.

"Cid," Red growled.

"Vincent," Yuffie told the group.

"Barrett," Cait Sith said trying to walk, very unsuccessfully.

"Cait Sith," Barret said, the big man bounced around the room. 

"And that must be Cloud passed out on the floor," Cid/Red told the group. 

"Look at me, I'm a vampire," Yuffie/Vincent cried running around the room swiping materia right and left. 

There was a groan from the floor and Cloud/Tifa pulled themselves up off the floor. He stared at the group Cid licking his hands, Vincent running around the room still screaming like a banshee, Red trying to get a cigarette into his mouth, Yuffie sulking in a shadow filled corner, Barret bouncing around the room, Cait Sith trying to chase down the bouncing Barret, and finally to his own body. His blue eyes stared back at him filled with questions. He only had one question, who was in his body?

"Ok everybody calm down. Lets try to figure this out calmly," Cloud/Tifa told the group. "So everybody has switched bodies. And I'm in Tifa's body." Cloud/Tifa stared down at his now very curvy body. He ran his hands over his now shapely hips and Tifa/Cloud smacked him over the head.

"Stop that!"

"Right. Ok this must be some evil trick somebody has played on us! And the only ones capable to this is the cast of Final Fantasy 8," Cloud/Tifa concluded with a war cry.

"Why would they want to do that," Vincent/Yuffie inquired still in his…uh…her, no wait his….shadow filled corner. 

"Because they are ruthless people that want their adventures to be better than ours," Yuffie/Vincent shrieked.

"Now, now. Let's think about this like rational people," Tifa/Cloud said. "They couldn't have possible done…. CLOUD STOP POKING MY BREASTS!!!"

Cloud/Tifa instantly stopped what he was doing and gave Tifa/Cloud an innocent smile. "But they are just so squishy! It's like jello."He smashed one down and it instantly sprang back into place. "It's cool!"

Tifa/Cloud gave a growl of rage and jumped Cloud/Tifa beating him to a bloody pulp. It finally dawned on her that she was beating her own body. "NOW LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!" Tifa/Cloud screeched. 

Cloud/Tifa lay on the floor occasionally twitching but with little movement. Yuffie/Vincent took full advantage of the situation and began to kick him….her…WHATEVER! around the room. Surprising everybody Cloud/Tifa suddenly jumped to his feet.

"YAY!" Without another word Cloud/Tifa raced down the hall and locked himself in the bathroom.

"Cloud? What are you doing?" Tifa/Cloud yelled at the locked door.

"Looking at myself," Cloud/Tifa called back with a laugh. 

"WHAT!" Tifa/Cloud screeched, taking Cloud's vocal cords to new levels. 

As Tifa/Cloud beat at the door with Cloud/Tifa's girly giggles coming from inside the as rest of the group considered options. 

"What do we do!" Yuffie/Vincent screamed trying to shred the couch with the claw. "I can't live in vampire boy's body forever!"

"Whoever said I wanted to live in kiddy girls body," Vincent/Yuffie snapped pushing away from the wall. The shroud of darkness followed Vincent/Yuffie.

"That is just so cool!" Yuffie/Vincent giggled pouncing onto the couch. "How can you do that? I wanna be followed by a cloud of darkness!"

Cid/Red, holding the Venus Gospel in his jaw, whapped Yuffie/Vincent over the head. With a stupid grin she passed out onto the couch. 

"Boobs are so awesome!" Cloud/Tifa yelled happily. "Now I got a pair of my own. I will never be short on entertainment ever again!"

With a roar Tifa/Cloud kicked the door down and stopped short. Cloud/Tifa was staring into a mirror poking at his new attributes. Tifa/Cloud proceeded to kick the living crap out of Cloud/Tifa. But Cloud/Tifa didn't mind because he was enjoying the way his new breasts bounces with each hit.

"Awesome!" he yelled before getting punched in the face. "HEY! My body is not a weapon. You will ruin my perfect manicure."

Tifa/Cloud froze unsure what to make of his sentence. Cloud/Tifa took that opportunity to push her out of the bathroom and run to his bedroom. 

The rest of the group could only stare as Tifa/Cloud chased Cloud/Tifa into the bedroom. Before they could say anything there came a knock at the door. They exchanged glances, not sure who should answer the door. Cid/Red was defiantly out of the question; the furry pilot was trying to get a cigarette to light with his tail. It would also look strange is Red/Cid opened the door walking on all fours. With a groan Vincent/Yuffie stalked over to the door. 

"SEPHIROTH!" They all yelled as the door was flung open. 

Tifa/Cloud and Cloud/Tifa instantly came running no longer worried about their own problems. The silver haired general stared for a few minutes then bounded into the room.

"Look what I found!" Sephiroth giggled. "Flowers!"

Sephiroth then preceded to hand a flower to each of the group. Silence filled the room as the tall man cuddled against Tifa/Cloud. 

"Hi Cloudy dear," Sephiroth cooed clinging to the blonde swordsman.

Tifa/Cloud's eyebrows shot into his hairline as Sephiroth pulled on his arm.

"Get off!" Tifa/Cloud screeched trying to shake the general off. 

The sound of Latin chanting and an orchestra filled the room. Aerith Gainsborough appeared in the doorway with an evil smirk. She was also wielding the sword Masamune.

"Prepare to die foolish mortals!"

Sephiroth gave a girly shriek as Aerith gave a trademark villain laugh. Sephiroth swung Tifa/Cloud forward towards Aerith. Tifa/Cloud scratched the back of his head with a frown.

"Hey there Aerith."

Aerith swung the sword wide slicing into a wall. "My name is not Aerith! I am Sephiroth! Now look what you made me do. My sword is stuck in the wall."

As Sephiroth/Aerith yanking on the handle of the sword everybody else stared. There were so many other things they could have been doing, more productive things, but staring seemed appropriate. 

"Lets go find who did this to us!" Cloud/Tifa yelled suddenly, charging through the door.

Everybody followed Cloud/Tifa and their journey began. They journeyed high and low and to countless random places. They traveled to Mideel, only to remember that it wasn't there anymore. They also went to Cosmo Canyon and Wutai. A stop at Golden Saucer cost them countless hours as Cid insisted they ride the game thingy. Finally they decided to go to Midgar cause everything bad came from Midgar. Just look at Sephiroth.

"Hey! I heard that!"

Sorry, shall we continue? They went to the Shinra building cause Shinra was bad, except Rufus, he's just sexy! His sexy blonde hair and the way he flips it with ease. His beautiful blue eyes that are so cold and piercing. His clothes, his attitude, everything about him were just so cool. 

"Hello! Struggling hero's and one dead megalomaniac here!"

"Will you leave me alone!"

Okay, enough about Rufus, back to the story. The group decided to find Hojo cause he's like the king baddy. And since it was probably scientific stuff they went to Hojo. They would have gone to Gast but there was one problem, Gast was dead. But we're getting technical with this whole dead thing, I mean Sephiroth and Aerith are back. So it must be possible. 

The group has arrived at Hojo's secret laboratory that really isn't very secret since you get to see it in the game. But lets humor Hojo into thinking it's secret.

"How did you get here?" Hojo yipped stuffing his dolls into his drawer.

Everybody calmly points to Aerith/Sephiroth who is currently cowering behind Cloud, who is actually Tifa, who is now getting very pissed. Whoa technical sentence there, everybody still with me? Good, lets continue.

"Did you switch our bodies," Aerith/Sephiroth demands to know. Cause he is a demanding type of guy. Kinky!

Hojo looks peeved which is really scary looking. "Why would I waste my time on you? I have my dollies… I mean my toys… I mean my experiments!"

Since Hojo didn't do it, playing with his dolls he was. The group must continue on, they decide to check on the Final Fantasy VIII group. They go to Squall and Rinoa's apartment. Rinoa answers the door looking very chipper. Can one actually look chipper?

"Hi everybody! How is it going? I was like totally thinking about calling you and here you are. What a quinkiedink!"

"Actually we are here to see Squall," Cloud/Tifa says resisting the urge to use Rinoa's head as a basketball.

Squall comes to the door in his trademark clothes, he also says a lot of trademark phrases as well.

"Did you change our bodies?"

"…Whatever."

"Do you know who is responsible?"

"…Whatever."

"Are you an idiot?"

"…Whatever"

That's what I thought. So they group decides to move on from Squall "Whatever" Lionheart. 

"I've got it!" Cloud/Tifa suddenly yells.

"My turkey sandwich?" Cid/Red asks?

Cloud/Tifa shakes his head. "I'll be right back."

Cloud/Tifa leaves and comes back a few minutes. He returns a few minutes later dragging a struggling girl. The author of the story looked stricken. 

"Change us back!"

Fine, fine. The author swung her mighty keyboard around and succeeded in knocking everyone unconscious. When they awake, they were all in their old bodies. Sephiroth and Aerith returned to being dead. Everybody had a happy ending. 

Except for Cloud, cause he no longer had boob's to play with. But other than that, life was good.

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**Authors Note**: Senseless humor. You know you thrive on it! Took long time to write, never thought I would finish it. 

**Disclaimer**: I own me, that's about it. 


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